As a result of several tedious health issues that have arisen over the last year, I am currently undergoing operation fix-me-up. I have lined up some therapies I resonate with and it all looks rather promising. Today I went to a Chinese doctor.
I completely overlooked the fact that a Chinese Medicine and Acupuncture Doctor uses needles, long sharp needles, and that this could possibly constitute a problematic situation as I have an aversion to needles, even the small unimpressive kind, let alone the Kung Fu Panda variety that lay in store for me on the other side of the wall. This all slowly settled over me as I dutifully filled in my form in the waiting room. His receptionist interrupted my roost to escape through the bathroom window to inform me that I could go in. I was trapped and not about to make a scene, so off I went, like an animal…to the slaughter!
The Doctor before me didn’t seem inclined to do me any harm. He was rather friendly. I sat down and gave him my list of woes, among them; years of bad stress management and a ganglion,a very painful cyst formed from the tissue
that lines a joint or tendon, on my wrist. He listened, checked my hand, my pulse, my tongue, said I shouldn't eat chicken (interesting as I hadn’t mentioned my blood group, which apparently doesn't handle chicken very well at all). He then asked me to lie on the bed and attached a bunch of strange suction cup thingies on my back and left the room, they got hotter and hotter.
I started to think about how I had to collect my daughter from a soccer match in twenty minutes and it suddenly seemed like I may be a little late! He came back a while later, removed the cups and horror of horrors, the ominous sound of something being removed from sterile packaging rang in my ears! He rubbed my shoulder and without so much as an ‘On Guard’,stabbed me with a needle! If that weren't enough to completely finish me off, he wiggled it around a little.
Whoever says that acupuncture doesn’t hurt, needs to have their nerve endings checked!
He did this twice, and then he asked if the ganglion was in my right wrist. I thought for a moment about making a run for it, in my bra, with needles poking out of my back to the car, or maybe just directing him to the wrong wrist, the one that isn’t already sore. I reminded myself that I was a consenting adult and was the one who had made the appointment, I lifted my right hand.
He stabbed that needle right through the ganglion! He then wiggled it around and asked if it hurt. It felt like a mini epidural going all the way up my arm and you will never understand how one feels unless you’ve had one. ‘Yes’, I said. He then left me there, like a pinned moth, for whatever needed to happen, to happen. I have to say, once those needles were in, they didn’t hurt too much.
When he returned again I informed him that I had to get to school to pick up my daughter and he said,’Yes, yes, almost finished’. What followed reminded me of those Kung Fu movies where the Ninja, clad in black, steps out of the shadows undetected, and snaps the soldiers neck without a sound. It honestly felt as if he had decided that my head was a liability and the source of all my problems and it had to go! I felt my spine stretch all the way from my neck to my coccyx; he then confidently coaxed the kind of neck snapping, vertebrae crunching sounds out of my neck that you would expect to hear before the baddy drops to the ground, and then attempted to remove my head once more. ‘This no massage’, he said,’ This is ….(A name I couldn't possibly pronounce), this open all Meridian’.
By the time I left everything hurt, I was so rattled that I forgot my medicine behind and almost got lost on the way to the school where my daughter and her friends were the only ones left. But now, a couple of hours later, I feel fantastic, like my meridians are open! I shall have to google the implications of having open Meridians but it all sounds favourable! I have not, however, had the courage to move my wrist yet! It’s swollen and blue, and I have no idea if that’s good or bad!
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